


And then only memories remained

by RainbowPlane



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Angst, Character Death, It's just my signature angst, M/M, Please don't be too mad, and pain, honestly I don't know how to tag this, why am i like this?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2019-05-31 12:33:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15119501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RainbowPlane/pseuds/RainbowPlane
Summary: Ryuji has faced many difficult times in his life, but this was one he couldn’t cope with.His boyfriend has recently died, leaving him alone in the world yet again.One night he wandered the streets, soon he found himself revisiting old memories, both the good and the bad.Written for PegoRyuWeek2018!Every day will be a new prompt, but following this one story.





	1. Meeting someone unexpected

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God, what have I done this time?  
> I apologize for only being able to bring around terrible angst and death...
> 
> No real triggers this time, only ghosts and pain.
> 
> Enjoy?

The night was dark. Ryuji found himself wandering around the streets of Shibuya yet again, just like he had done every night since… Since then.

He knew it could be dangerous to wander, he knew he could be killed if he walked in the bad parts, but he just didn’t care anymore. Now that He was gone Ryuji had nothing left to live for.

Ryuji just wished it didn’t happen. He just wished their plan hadn’t failed. ‘’Why can’t you just be at my side again?!’’ He yelled in the darkness of the night.

He wasn’t expecting a reaction, and he certainly wasn’t expecting what actually happened. ‘’I can, I’m just not too sure whether you like to see me like this.’’ It was another voice, a voice Ryuji shouldn’t be able to hear anymore.

Right beside him Akira was standing. His appearance was different, he was glowing white. ‘’You must be kidding me?!’’ Ryuji exclaimed. ‘’You fucking died! A ghost??’’

Akira formed a small smile on his face. ‘’Ghost don’t exist, remember? I’m more of a very strong cognition. I’m not real, just in your head.’’ He spoke.

It took Ryuji a moment before he realised what was going on, and yet he still couldn’t fully comprehend it. ‘’I-I am making you up?’’ He tried to ask, more in an attempt to make it more understandable to himself. ‘’I guess my desire to see you has truly taken a toll of my mental state now…’’

The appearance of Akira took a step forwards. ‘’You know you shouldn’t dwell on the past that much, right? You know that isn’t something I would’ve wanted.’’ He spoke.

‘’I know that! It’s just way too difficult!!’’ Ryuji yelled as his eyes began to fill up with tears, tears he had been holding back the entire time. Ever since he first heard the news of the death of their leader, of the death of his boyfriend. ‘’You have it easy now! You don’t have to live on with the knowledge the one person you have ever loved will never hold you into your arms again!’’

The motions of Akira stopped completely. ‘’Yes, that’s true, but please try to remember life goes on. Even when I’m not longer there you need to find a way to live your life by yourself again.’’ He spoke softly. ‘’I wouldn’t want to see you end up being sad and alone.’’

Tears now fell down Ryuji’s face freely. ‘’I can’t just move on like that! You have been a great part of my life now, you have helped me through so much.’’ He said. ‘’I can’t just forget you and try to live a happy life with someone else!’’

‘’I know, but you have to.’’ Akira said as he took a step back again. ‘’I will disappear again, and you will need to find a way.’’ He spoke as he began to shine a little brighter.

‘’NO! Don’t go just yet!’’ Ryuji yelled as he ran towards the other, but just as he tried to grab his hand, it was gone. Akira was gone, leaving him behind yet again.

 

Ryuji had been unable to stand up, he just sat there, in the middle of an alleyway somewhere in Shibuya. He kept crying and thinking about Akira. Somehow his thoughts wandered to the first time the two of them had met. How it was nothing but coincidence for them to actually speak to each other. How they found that strange castle.

But most of all he thought about the way Akira acted, even back then he was fully ready to save others. Save others even at the cost of himself. It was a bad habit of him sometimes, but mostly it was something to admire.

Ryuji didn’t know how long he had spent there, thinking and crying, but he knew one thing. The night was already over, light slowly began to fill the alley. He was ready to get up and go home when he realised where exactly he was. He was at a place where even more painful memories were located.

Just as fast as he got up he fell back down again, this time thinking back of a more recent memory. One he wasn’t so font of, the last time the two of them had spoken alone to one another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I somehow decided that just participating with small fics wasn't enough and that I have to suffer I've also drawn a thing to go alongside with this chapter. I'll be doing this for every single day!  
> Now we're both suffering! That's something, right?  
> Here's the link!  
> http://rainbowplane-art.tumblr.com/post/175422082689/day-one-of-pegoryuweek-prompt-meeting-meeting
> 
> See you tomorrow again maybe?


	2. Their first and final fight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, how have you all been doing with the first chapter so far?
> 
> This is the fighting prompt, so it isn't going to get any better today... It's a memory, but I guess that only makes it worse.
> 
> Also, being sleep deprived appears to make me even more angsty than usual, that happens I guess.
> 
> If fights aren't your thing you might wanna skip, but no real triggers yet.

Ryuji and Akira had just spent their afternoon at the arcade again when they decided to take a shortcut home. In truth Ryuji wanted to speak about something with his boyfriend, and he needed a place where no one could hear them.

‘’So, what is it?’’ Akira had stopped walking as soon as they found themselves alone in this small alleyway. He knew his boyfriend had something to say, he was acting weirder than usual.

Ryuji had taken a deep breath before he spoke. ‘’Are you sure the plan we’re using is the best one?’’ He had been struggling with this for a while now. Even though everyone had made it clear to him every single time, he was still worried.

‘’Yes, I am.’’ Akira was blunt to Ryuji. It was something he had never done before. It had hurt Ryuji to hear him say it like that.

‘’Even when you are at risk of getting killed?’’ Ryuji had been scared, way too scared. ‘’Why do you always end up getting yourself in danger for others?’’ He had done his best to hold back his tears, but it was way too difficult.

Akira took a step forwards. ‘’Because it’s the only way! And I won’t be killed, we have a plan remember?!’’ He had been yelling. Now that Ryuji thought back of that moment he finally understood why. Akira wanted to make sure everyone else was safe, and having him doubt these actions could’ve ended up in Akira backing down. Akira had been scared himself, he only never showed it.

But at that particular moment Ryuji felt attacked. His one and only love had been yelling at him, it was the first time that had happened. ‘’What if the plan fails?! There are so much factors we haven’t thought of, so much we can never predict!! Only one thing needs to be diffeAkirat for everything to fail, for you to die…’’ Ryuji had started of his arguments by yelling even louder, but his voice weakened soon. As soon as he realised the possible consequences again. ‘’I’m not sure whether I can live without you, you know?’’

It was only a rather sad thing that Akira hadn’t been listening, or maybe he had. Maybe he had chosen not to show any care to hopefully get Ryuji of his back again. ‘’Well, even if that did happen you need to find a way! I’m not supposed to be the only thing in your life!! Stop being so selfish and think about the team for once!’’ Akira had been full-on yelling.

Ryuji wasn’t one to back down. Not after he had been felt to have been ignored. ‘’You are the selfish one!! Always choosing the path that might lead to your own destruction!! Think about what others might be thinking for once!’’ The argument became louder and louder. Ryuji had become furious. ‘’You can’t just always think sacrificing yourself is the right thing!! And don’t you dare to be angry at me for caring for you!!’’

A moment of silence had befell between the two, until Akira finally took a deep breath and spoke. ‘’I am, but let’s not waste any more time on the subject.’’ He said, he was calm. ‘’The decision has already been made, there’s nothing you can do about it now.’’

Ryuji had calmed down a little as well. ‘’There’s nothing I could’ve done, you have always been like this.’’ He said. He was disappointed, but not that angry anymore. ‘’But you’re right, there’s no way I can change anything… No way I can change your mind from these dangerous ideas…’’

‘’Let’s separate our ways for today. I think we both need some time.’’ Akira had then said. It was one last attempt not to return back into the original argument, considering how much Ryuji seemed to fixate onto it.

Ryuji had looked his boyfriend in the eyes, and he had seen great pain. That was when he realised he wasn’t the only one struggling. ‘’Yes, I suppose that’s the right thing to do.’’ He had said, softly. ‘’Goodbye then.’’ He said as he had turned around. Ryuji knew it was the best thing, but realising he needed to distance himself from the one he loved had still hurt, a lot.

 

Now that Ryuji thought back of that moment regrets began to fill his mind. He should’ve pressed the subject. He should’ve convinced Akira not to go. Walking away that day has been the worst mistake in his life. The last time the two of them had spent alone was by fighting, and it didn’t even have any effect.

Ryuji could hear the people fill the streets as he remained lost in his thoughts, in his pain. It made him realise that he had been there for a long time and that he needed to move. He didn’t want anyone to find him there. As soon as he walked back into the now busy streets his feet were moving on their own, moving to a different place, a different memory. It was as if he was stuck to remember everything about Akira, everything he loved.

The memory in itself wasn’t a bad one, it was the best one he had, but remembering it still hurt. He stood there, motionless, in front of the small diner Akira had taken him that one time, to celebrate his birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always I've done a drawing to acompany this chapter:  
> http://rainbowplane-art.tumblr.com/post/175469196974/day-two-of-pegoryuweek-prompt-first-fight-only-a  
>    
> The angst will be toned down a bit the coming days, there are also happy memories after all.
> 
> Hope you don't hate me too much already...  
> If you want to, you can also find me on tumblr under the names @rainbowplane, @rainbowplane-writing and @rainbowplane-art (The side blogs are the ones I use to post for this week as well)


	3. The ultimate birthday present

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An actual cute chapter! (Obviously with some bad feelings since they are only memories...)  
> But still, this one isn't too bad!
> 
> Happy birthday Ryuji!!

Ryuji hadn’t known what it was like to spend your birthday with friends, he had never really had someone before who was close enough to him. But that year things were different.

It was somewhere in the afternoon when Ryuji had gotten a text message, one coming from Akira.

_Akira: ‘’Hey, you free tonight? I got something special for you!’’_

Ryuji was instantly excited. He had gotten a message containing a birthday wish earlier that day, but an actual invitation to do something, to get something, was truly something unique to him. If he had to be honest, he had secretly already given up about his wishes to spend that day with someone, to spend that day with Akira.

But now that he had gotten a message his heart began to beat louder. Soon he had remembered that he still needed to reply.

_Ryuji: ‘’Of course!!’’_

He had been way too excited, but who was to blame him?

_Akira: ‘’Great! Can you meet me at the diner? I’ll buy you food, no problem.’’_

Akira: ‘’In about an hour? Or is that too early?’’

The smile that had formed on Ryuji’s face had only grown wider. Akira was way too cute sometimes. If only he knew…

_Ryuji: ‘’An hour is fine, I hadn’t had anything to do at all.’’_

Akira: ‘’See you soon then, birthday boy!’’

Another sentence that had shot straight to Ryuji’s heart. How can this guy be so cute sometimes?

Ryuji had found himself liking Akira, he had known for a while now. There was only no way he could ever tell him, it was his best friend after all. And besides, Akira was always found talking to girls and women, never once seemed interested in guys. Ryuji had just given up on the possibility, but he could still dream, right?

Especially when Akira was being so unfair. Being so cute, and at other times completely turning into the most hot and handsome guy. It was still a mystery to Ryuji how one person could be so perfect.

But for now he didn’t had any time to think about it, he needed to get himself ready. The diner was pretty far away from his home, so he didn’t have all the time in the world.

 

Akira had been waiting outside for Ryuji. And as soon as Ryuji saw him he began to smile.

Then Akira had held a package from behind his back. And as soon as he was to hand it over it almost killed Ryuji. The smile on Akira’s face, it had been way too much. It was even cuter than ever before. ‘’Happy birthday!’’ Akira had said along, smiling so brightly.

Ryuji had been unable to speak. The sight in front of him being too perfect. He had just taken the present from the other, not sure whether to open it or not. ‘’T-thank you.’’ He had eventually managed to get out, his face must’ve been completely red.

Akira’s smile had become softer, which didn’t help Ryuji at all. ‘’Aren’t you going to open it?’’ He had then asked.

Opening that particular present had been the best thing to have ever happened to Ryuji. Or maybe it hadn’t, considering the present situation.

The big box had only contained a small paper. At first it had confused Ryuji a lot, but as soon as he had started to read the contents of it everything became clear.

_Dearest Ryuji,_

_I know this must’ve been the lamest present you have ever gotten in your entire life, but secretly I’m hoping it won’t be._

_The truth is… I seemed to have found a liking in you, one which I have been unable to speak out loud. This is why I ended up doing this weird present idea._

_I don’t know what you feel, obviously. My mind has told me you could’ve liked me back, but that also could’ve been hopeful wishing for something that isn’t the case._

_Please, please tell me honestly what you think._

_Akira_

As soon as Ryuji had finished reading his eyes began to slowly tear up. It was the most perfect present he had ever gotten in his entire life.

Then he remembered, he actually needed to react. As he looked up to Akira he noticed he looked insecure, and scared. Ryuji understood those feelings far too well. ‘’Thank you for this present, it’s perfect.’’ Ryuji had said to get the other to look at him, instead of the ground. ‘’And, to be honest, if there’s one thing I’m certain of it is how much I care for you, how much I like you.’’

There had been a small sparkle in the eyes of Akira as soon as Ryuij had said that last sentence. And he had begun to smile yet again.

‘’Smiling like that isn’t fair!! You’re way too cute!’’ After all this time, Ryuji had finally been able to say it. He had finally found a way to call Akira cute. It had been way more relieving than he had ever thought it would be.

Akira had looked down again after he was told that, he had seemed embarrassed. ‘’You’re the cuter one though.’’ He had then said. ‘’Your cute blushing face has always made me smile.’’

Ryuji hadn’t been able to believe those words, not until he had thought over them again. ‘’Well, your smile is making me blush, so we might have a little problem here.’’ He had then said, jokingly.

‘’I suppose, although I don’t see it as a problem at all.’’ Akira had reacted to him. ‘’Shall we go inside and eat? I think we have a lot to talk about now, and it’s getting cold out.’’ He had then proposed.

Ryuji wasn’t ready to let go of this moment, not yet. ‘’Just one more thing.’’ He had said as he had almost thrown himself upon the other in front of him, taking him in for a long, loving, hug. It was something Ryuji had wanted to do for so long, and now he had finally found his chance.

They had stood like that for a while, unable to break the moment. It was something they had both been desperate for.

Neither of them had known how much time had passed, but eventually Akira took the initiative to break apart. ‘’Let’s go, we can do this any time we want now.’’ He has spoken softly. ‘’For all of eternity.’’ He whispered afterwards.

Ryuji had believed at that moment they were going to stay together forever, that there was nothing that could separate them.

In the end that turned out to be wrong. Now that Ryuji has found himself staring at the exact spot Akira truly became his boyfriend only pain filled his heart.

Even the most precious of memories seemed to leave a bitter feeling, a feeling of emptiness.

As Ryuji took his time to walk away again he was immediately met with a different place filled with memories, and he realised this was going to be a long day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, drawing to pair found here:  
> http://rainbowplane-art.tumblr.com/post/175501622619/pegoryuweek-day-3-birthday-akira-gave-ryuji-his
> 
> The journey of memories continues, I wonder where it will end...


	4. Partners in crime, forever and ever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter this time.
> 
> I wonder how many people have read the summary and immediatly decided to run away from this fic...

The arcade, a place where they’ve spend so much time together. Ryuji has now found himself standing in front of it yet again. He hasn’t been able to get inside ever since Akira had left. It was just too painful.

But now that he was already hurting from all the past memories Ryuji did end up setting a foot inside. It wasn’t so busy yet, but the place still had the same vibe. Children yelling, bleeping of games, nothing had changed.

Ryuji took his time to walk around a bit, trying to keep to himself, but he ended up being noticed. ‘’Sakamoto-kun? Haven’t seen you here in a while. How have you been?’’ It was the owner of the place. Since Ryuji had been there so many times he ended up knowing him well.

It took Ryuji a moment before he could answer. ‘’Could be better, but fine I guess.’’ He lied. He was breaking inside, but some stranger he had only spoken to several times had no need to know that at all.

‘’Good, good. How is the other one, your friend?’’ The owner asked him. It was like a stab to the heart for Ryuji, someone asking him how Akira was. But the owner wasn’t done yet. ‘’You two are a great duo. Always teaming up, like partners in crime or something.’’ He added.

It was then that Ryuji couldn’t take it anymore. ‘’I… I need to go. Sorry.’’ He managed to say right before he almost stormed out of the arcade. The owner had a worried expression on his face, but somewhere he understood the boy he was talking to was hurting.

Ryuji ran, even when he was already outside he continued to run away. Every street corner made him remember new things.

The place they’ve spend an entire evening playing pranks on everyone that came around.

The place they had then ended up buying drinks, while driving the cashier completely crazy.

They had done many things together, many fun things, and it was painful to think about any more of them.

Their relationship could indeed be best described as ‘partners in crime’. Everything they did together was fun, not everything completely good. There was always something they could laugh about, even months later.

Like the time they had been destroying kids in the arcade. It wasn’t their fault entirely, the kids volunteered to play with them, but a normal human being would’ve probably be a little easier on them.

Ryuji had stopped running, both to catch his own breath as to punch himself in the face. He was still thinking about those memories, even when he was running away. There was no way for him to escape his past, his pain.

He looked around, he didn’t quite know where he was. He did know where he needed to go next.

If his painful memories kept coming back at that day there was only one thing to do after all, facing them with everything you got.

Ryuji looked around for the nearest train station, and he got on. The trip wasn’t that long, but the memory he was visiting certainly was. It was the one he had feared the most. The one of their first kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pic found here yet again:  
> http://rainbowplane-art.tumblr.com/post/175535789969/pegoryuweek-day-4-partners-in-crime-here-is-the  
>    
> Why am I still doing this even as it's nothing but hated angst, which is even badly written?  
> Simple, cause I feel the need to end this, no matter what.


	5. Facing memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it's the free day today!  
> I have decided to go for another special memory, the one of their first kiss.
> 
> Enjoy for the best you can! (This will be the last 'happy' memory)

There he found himself, at the park. He knew where he needed to go. He knew what was going to happen as soon as he arrived, but Ryuji was so done with feeling the pain, he knew there was something that told him to go to all these places, albeit nothing more than his own mind.

After walking around for a while he found it, the place. It wasn’t something special, but the memories it held were.

The place existed out of a small field of grass, with several big trees within it. He and Akira had spent many times there together. But one of those times was just a little more different, a little more special.

Ryuji and Akira had been spending some time together in the park. It was Akira who had proposed to go there in the first place. They’d never done such a thing, just spending some time together in a quiet place, usually they went for a date in the city or playing video games all night.

But Ryuji had quite liked the change. Being in nature had made everything just a little more intimate.

First they had been walking around, talking about literally everything, but as soon as they got to that small plain of grass Akira had stopped.

‘’Let’s sit down here for a while.’’ He had said to Ryuji, as he already pulled the other with him.

They then had both sat down against the tree. And silence had befell onto the two as they just admired their location.

But Akira hadn’t seen to like that, he had other plans. ‘’Ryuji, can you hold me?’’ He had asked all of a sudden, which had thrown Ryuji completely off guard.

Intimacy had never been a part of their relationship. They had hugged and been throwing arms around each other, but something as intimate as just holding each other in their arms for a while had never occurred before. It hadn’t been because either of them didn’t want to, they both just never seemed to make the move. ‘’Is something wrong?’’ Ryuji had asked, being concerned of that sudden question.

Akira shook his head in response. ‘’Nah, not really. I just want to be close to you for a while.’’ He had then said.

Ryuji had then just opened up his arms in a sign for Akira to come. And moments later Akira had moved himself to be into those arms, his back against Ryuji’s torso and his hand onto Ryuji’s hands, as their silence had continued.

It had been Ryuji who had spoken the next time. ‘’Why don’t we do this more often? It’s nice.’’ Ryuji was sincerely enjoying the moment, having his boyfriend so close to him.

‘’Because somehow neither of us seemed able to take the initiative. Be glad I did.’’ Akira had reacted, as he had turned to face his boyfriend. ‘’But I’m glad you like it, I was afraid you wouldn’t.’’ He had added, with a hint of insecurity in his eyes.

This had only made Ryuji pull Akira in closer. ‘’I would never hate having you close to me. I guess I have been scared you wouldn’t want this as well.’’ He had then said. In the end the both of them were worried for nothing, but neither of them had known that. ‘’But no matter how much I’m enjoying it, I don’t have much time today. I’m afraid we have to continue this another time.’’ He had added.

Akira looked sad for a small moment, but then he got up, holding out a hand for Ryuji to help him get up as well. ‘’Of course, there’s no way I’ll ever let an opportunity slid by again.’’ He had then said, with his signature beautiful smile.

Ryuji had taken the hand to get up, and soon he found himself ready to leave, but at the same time not ready at all. ‘’I’ll see you soon then.’’ He had already said to his boyfriend, setting the first steps to leave.

But he had never gotten his hand back. ‘’Ryuji, wait.’’ Akira had said as the grip on Ryuji’s hand tightened. ‘’There’s one more thing.’’

Even while thinking back on it later, Ryuji still felt the warmth spreading all throughout his body. As soon as Ryuji had turned around Akira had grabbed his face, leaning in for a kiss. The kiss hadn’t been a long one, neither was is passionate, but it was something the both of them had also been longing for.

Ryuji remembered his eyes growing wide during the first second, just staring at his boyfriend in disbelief. But soon he himself had found himself melted as well.

‘’Just couldn’t wait any longer.’’ Akira had said softly as soon as the two of them parted. His face had been red, his expression showing embarrassment.

‘’It… it’s okay. I wanted it too.’’ Ryuji had managed to say, his mind was racing. ‘’See you soon then, I guess. I really need to go, although now I want to stay with you even more.’’

Akira had just given him the softest smile. ‘’No need to worry. We can do this many times.’’ He had said. But the last sentence he had heard Akira say now left a sour taste into Ryuji’s mouth. ‘’I have no intention to leave you anytime soon after all. I know it’s sappy, but I want to be close to you forever.’’

Ryuji had simply smiled at that sentence. He couldn’t remember if he had actually said anything, but now he didn’t care.

 

Facing this memory had only made Ryuji even more depressed than ever before. He thought he could get over it, he thought if he went there by himself things would get better, but only the opposite seemed to be true.

Eyes becoming watery as Ryuji decided there was only one way to stop this. He needed to go home and lock himself inside. That way no more memories could rise up, that way he might stop this painful trip.

Little did he know that alone inside would only have the opposite effect. Little did he know that the pain would still be building inside him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drawing found here again:  
> http://rainbowplane-art.tumblr.com/post/175569404754/pegoryuweek-day-5-free-day-ive-decided-to-go
> 
> Also, I ended up doing a sexual bonus chapter, which takes place right after this one...  
> Here's the link to that one:  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/15175814


	6. Longing for the one he still loves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A really short chapter it seems.  
> But this one was needed to go to the grand final tomorrow!

Ryuji soon found himself in his house. He had never gotten the chance to bring Akira here, so he was almost certain he would be safe from the painful memories.

But as soon as he locked himself into his room his mind began to play with him again. This time all the memories the two of them had together played all at once, every single one.

The first time he had actually spend the night at Akira’s place, the many times they’ve ended up together in that park. It was like their whole relationship came by on repeat.

Ryuji was destroyed. He longed for his boyfriend. He needed him back at his side, back in his arms.

For a small moment Ryuji believed Akira was actually right there, right in front of him, but as soon as he tried to pull him in the image faded.

He collapsed onto the ground, his face buried in his knees. ‘’Why? Why would you disappear like that…’’ He asked himself as tears began to stream down his face. Yet again he found himself being this miserable, and yet again the only thing he could do was to think back about the one he loved.

‘’The only thing I want is to be close to you again, like that first time in the park!’’ Ryuji knew he was only talking to himself, but he needed to get all his feelings out.

‘’Or even just spending one of those days in the city again! I would do anything to get those moments back.’’ More and more tears began to stream down as Ryuji tried to bury his head even deeper.

He wasn’t done yelling about his feelings, not yet. ‘’I still remember that smile at my birthday,, it was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. Can’t there be a way to see it again?’’

‘’I would even settle for another fight! Just as long as I can see your face again.’’

Ryuji then had nothing left to yell about, he could only cry. He felt pathetic and miserable. He couldn’t even stay strong, he couldn’t even handle the pain.

There was something inside him that made him grab his phone, to look at the photo album he didn’t dare to touch before. Tons of pictures of Akira were stored inside. Ones in which he smiled, ones in which he slept. Ryuji had treasured every single one of them, but he hadn’t looked at it ever since Akira left his side.

And now he remembered why. The falling of tears became worse, his mind becoming more and more miserable.

And at that moment Ryuji knew there was no escaping the situation. There was one more place he needed to visit that day, one more place he had been avoiding all this time.

Ryuji quickly grabbed his stuff and went there, that one place.

Akira’s grave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pic here:  
> http://rainbowplane-art.tumblr.com/post/175603033464/pegoryuweek-day-6-longing-this-is-the-most
> 
> Wanna know which prompt I use for tomorrow? Take a guess.  
> We're almost done! Almost done with the suffering!  
> Hang in there!


	7. Only one way to reunite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus the end of my PegoRyuWeek fic is here!  
> Containing, triggerwarnings and pain:  
> TW suicide attempt...  
> (Did you honestly expect anything better from me? If so, you should definitely look at my other fics....)
> 
> It isn't as bad as it sounds tho.

The sun already began to set as Ryuji entered the graveyard, the sky looking way too colourful for this grim place. Ryuji knew where he needed to go, he hadn’t been there since the funeral, but he knew.

There was something weird about the fact that they buried Akira at a graveyard just outside the city. Apparently his parents didn’t seem to care about bringing him back.

Ryuji realised he had never gotten too much info about Akira’s past, but sadly there was no way to retrieve it.

 

He continued his was towards the right grave, which was still shining into the last traces of sunlight. The newest stone in the yard, it hadn’t even been that long.

‘’Hey, haven’t been here in a while.’’ Ryuji didn’t know why, but he felt the need to talk to the grave. As if Akira could still hear him if he tried. ‘’You know, the past weeks have been difficult.’’

Ryuji’s eyes began to tear up slightly as he continued to talk. ‘’Every day without you is like a little hell. How could I’ve ever survived without you?!’’ His tears began falling down, his voice raised. ‘’And yet somehow you still decide to haunt me today! Why can’t I ever take a break?!’’

As he said that he fell down on his knees. ‘’Why can’t I just forget you?’’ he cried out as he buried his face into his hands.

Now he couldn’t even found new words, he could only cry. Ryuji hated to be so hopeless, so useless. But now that the one he loved was gone he hasn’t been able to be anything but that.

‘’Isn’t there any way for me to see you again? I would do anything!’’ As soon as Ryuji spoke out that last sentence he realised, he realised what he had implied. ‘’Anything…’’ He repeated.

Ryuji’s mind became completely blank. He stood up and made his way back. There only was something within him telling him he would never make it back. ‘Anything.’ The word kept resounding in his head, over and over again.

‘Is this truly the only way?’ A question popped into Ryuji’s head as he found himself at the location, at the side of the busy road the graveyard was located.

‘’Anything, anything to see your face again.’’ He whispered softly as he took a step forwards.

Moments later only the sound of a truck were heard, the horn and breaks slamming down.

 

It was light, way too light.

Ryuji tried to open up his eyes, but it was too difficult.

He heard voices, voices talking to themselves.

‘’Why would he do such a thing?’’

‘’He has suffered the most from Akira’s departure, honestly I don’t blame him.’’

‘’We should’ve kept a closer eye on him. Akira would probably have hated us now…’’

Soon Ryuji managed to open up his eyes, seeing the group of people around him. He was at a hospital bed. He tried to move his body, but quickly noticed he couldn’t.

‘’You’re awake!’’ A girl yelled. It took Ryuji a moment to recognise her, it was Ann.

The others were quickly recognised soon after, although Ryuji couldn’t remember why they would all be here, why they were his friends. ‘’You should’ve talked to us! We know how difficult Akira’s death has been for you, but you should’ve remembered we were all there for you.’’ Haru had told him.

There was one question, one which Ryuji just couldn’t find the answer to. ‘’I’m glad you guys are all here caring for me, but there’s one thing that’s bothering me.’’ Ryuji began to speak.

_‘’Who’s Akira?’’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See, not so bad as you would expect! (Some people might find it worse tho...)
> 
> A picture to end this as well:  
> http://rainbowplane-art.tumblr.com/post/175639990784/pegoryuweek-day-7-reunion-i-mean-this-does-count  
>    
> Please tell me if you guys are still okay after reading, although I don't expect anyone to...  
> If it's any consolation, I cried while writing this as well.
> 
> See you around again, I promise my next fic won't be as painful as this one!
> 
> In the mean time you can always yell at me on tumblr of course. @rainbowplane-writing is the writing blog. (My main being @rainbowplane if you want to see a blog filled with any sorts of reblog content I'm into at the moment.)


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